No more tickle fights

Many of you know Travis and his juvenile antics. Peddling us as rednecks and Civil War impersonators. He’s pawned himself off as some sort of investigatory journalist, to which I have one reply (via Zoolander):

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?

Travis has now asserted that our own patron saint, Bryan Adams, is the leader of Hezbollah. Unfortunately (for Travis) this claim is largely unsubstantiated and, like most of Travis’ life, ridiculous.

Starting next week Travis will no longer be able to hide behind his investigatory My Little Pony pencil. In other words, the tickle fights are over. It’s big boy time, and we’re putting our money beer where our mouth is. Look for a multi-state, multi-national (if you include Canada) beer brawl. We’ve already sent our Swashchuckler IPA to Brad (Unrepentant Individual), Ted (Ted Brews) and Alan (A Good Beer Blog) for taste testing against Travis’ meager piss water. Stay tuned. The s*** just got real.

YAAAARGH!! (A treatise on taking a party seriously)

Most of the guests at our Brewhaha Saturday came in casual clothes. Which is fine. But let’s not forget that the invitation SPECIFICALLY said “full-on pirate garb.” Fortunately, not everyone chose to ignore our invitation.

Thanks to Dick, who not only came to the party, but documented himself in what appears to be “full-on pirate garb.” Of course, he obviously had to change upon arriving at the Brewhaha. There are few things worse than being the only pirate at a party. Being Travis is one of those things.

A new name for the Lumberjack

I recently received the following e-mail:

Hello Joel.

A few of my good friends and I, like you, have gotten together to brew some beer. We have spent a good part of the last two years finding a brewer, creating the recipe (countless nights of batch tasting) and polishing our look. At the end of the day we came up with a most delicious light color, light flavor 8.7% wheat wine. We have been calling it Lumberjack Malt Liquor. We hope to create some big waves within the high-brow community of the 40oz consumer. We live in Los Angeles and work in the entertainment industry and our adventure into brewing started as a hobby but we are having so much fun we have extended our goals and would one day like to see our product next to Steele Reserve, Old English and Colt 45 on the store shelves.

He then goes on to say:

We started brewing our first 10,000 gallons and had sent our artwork to the label maker when we found your Lumberjack Oatmeal Stout during a trademark search. We would like to seek your approval for use of the name so that we can continue with our venture.

Being the benevolent Malt-Liquor-Loving guys that we are – we conceded and have allowed them to take the name unopposed (our legal team is not that good). Our only request was that they send us a few samples. Now we just need to find a new name for our Stout. Come to the brewhaha this Saturday, taste it for yourself, and after a few beers you might have a good name for us.

Travis: the homebrewer who couldn’t

Wonder of wonders, Travis is at it again. And while his accusations about MNB being Civil War reenactors are quaint, they are, unfortunately, false. Of course, this stereotypical drivel about the South is the kind of nonsense we’ve come to expect from Travis, so it wasn’t much of a shock to us.

We do have news on the Beer War. Turns out Travis can’t brew.

Oooh, that doesn’t look good. I don’t think beer is supposed to do that.

Travis has also been secretly trying to culture an Anheuser-Busch yeast off of the bottom of a bottle he procured with the alleged intentions of bottling his tripel. And Travis, for next time: A “tripel” is more than equal portions of Bud Light, Miller Lite and Coors. Sorry buddy.