Mo ‘staches, mo problems
It seems that the ulcerous quest for mustachio’d sponsors is nearing a close! Thanks to you, dear readers, we have secured more than enough mustaches to heal all 8 of my known ulcers, thus allowing me to drink beer once again. Before we get into the latest round of sponsors, I would first like to acknowledge my co-worker Matt, who inspired the title of this post with his “Mojitos, Mo’ Problems” t-shirt, which he dons whenever the occasion seems casual enough. Matt, there’s nothing manlier than a mojito. Except perhaps 2 mojitos.
But enough of this jibber-jabber. To the mustaches!
7) Jerre’s 30minutestache
Jerre Maynor, notorious for his ability to grow facial hair in a short amount of time, has submitted the first in a series of photos to be taken every half hour until his mustache is full-grown. I think it will take approximately 2 and a half hours, all told.
8) Kenneth’s Grossstache
Kenneth, friend of the Beerbuddha, and his hairy little friend. The thing about the mustache is that it can turn even a normal photo into an excellent mug shot. It has that power.
9) Joel’s Semistache
Joel, this is disgusting. But I’ll give you credit, you can grow more hair than Jeff. That’s not saying a lot, but thanks for trying.
10) Bryon’s feeble attempt at a ‘stache
Bryon, thanks for thinking of me. But my ulcers demand more (or less) than a beard. Shave the rest of that crap and get back to us.
And that should do it for now! I’ve got tentative mustaches on the way from a few other folks, but until I get photographic evidence, it’s a no go. There’s still time if you want to jump on board late. Who knows, I may even have a few extra ‘staches to donate to ulcer research.
Brewing the Drafty Kilt tonight
Stop by Jeff’s tonight to drink some beers and help brew another, slightly adjusted Drafty Kilt scotch ale. You may recall that we dialed down the recipe to make it more “user-friendly.” It ended up at 5.1% ABV, down from around 8%. We’re going to dial it back up just a smidge and try for 6%. Given Jeff’s unerring accuracy in all things numeric (particularly if he’s making them up), I don’t think we should have a problem.
On a different note, guess who grew a mustache for my ulcers?
“Leave no mustache behind”
5 ulcers have been effectively sponsored, only 3 more to go. Actually, 2 more. I present to you Mustache #6:
6) Walter’s Beachstache
Walter sent in this photo of what appears to be slightly moldy peach fuzz. Gross, but it’ll do. Thank you sir.
And I’ve also received word from Beerbuddha that there may be a fu manchu coming my way soon. I’m just waiting on photographic evidence. Which would mean… we’re only one mustache shy of a completely healed digestive system. Come on, people, RALLY! I can’t drink any beer until these things are gone. It’s torture.
Uggh. I just looked back up at Walter’s Beachstache and got the heeby-jeebies. I hope I never have to see it in person.
Putting the “I” in “IPA”
Yesterday Jeff and his enormous ego made it clear to the entire blogosphere that it was perfectly okay to post large pictures of yourself in a blog post. I have never before stooped to this level (not true), but I thought it fitting to display my mustachio’d self. Because not only was I able to make it to Jeff’s house, but I was actually doing work!
It’s true. Despite the ulcers I was able to make it to part of brewing last night. I have no doubt that I was still more help than the ne’er-do-well Joel. We brewed our famous Swashchuckler IPA.
We had a good turnout last night, though there weren’t as many mustaches as I would have liked. *hint* As a side note, do you know the great thing about a bushy blonde mustache? You can dress it up or dress it down! It’s fitting for any occasion, whether a Monday evening brew session or a black-tie dinner!
Mustaches are sprouting up on upper lips everywhere
Mustaches for Ulcers is making headway. It’s my dream to have a sponsor for all 8 of my ulcers by next week. Here’s what we’ve got so far. First, apparently there are other “legitimate” charities doing something similar with mustaches. Prostate cancer is arguably more of a threat than ulcers. But still.
Here are the submissions we’ve received to-date:
1) Will’s mexistache
Will, I accept your mustache, even though it was grown awhile ago. It makes you look like a well-groomed Nazi, which kind of scares me. I’m not complaining though, an ulcer is an ulcer.
2) Anna and Lauren’s faux mustaches
These bad boys were phoned in from Memphis, TN. They’re mustaches of the exotic variety. Not because they’re from Memphis, but because they’re plastic. I’m counting them as worth one ulcer together, given their dubious background.
3) Ben’s pornstache
Now this is a good one. An existing mustache in good, working order. Ben has been sporting this thing for far too long, but he has graciously dedicated it to the cause. It makes me tingle just thinking about it.
4) Nicole’s future ‘stache
Nicole from the office has declared that no razor will touch her upper lip, in honor of one of my lucky ulcers. While her mustache hasn’t yet grown in fully, I’ve included a simulated time-lapse photograph of the glory-to-be.
5) Dave’s brewing mustache
Dave at Muckney Brewing tried to grow a mustache… until his wife made him stop. To compensate, he has dedicated a beer to the cause, for which we will be designing a joint label. Look for that in the future.
That’s it for now. As you can see, there are still plenty of ulcers that need loving sponsors. If you’d like to be involved, leave a comment or shoot me an email. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out. It’s for a good cause.
More mustaches, more brewing
Though no one has yet jumped up to the plate and grown a mustache to heal an ulcer (All we need is 8 or so mustaches, people, let’s DO THIS), the Mustaches for Ulcers movement has been gaining traction. Here are the ground rules:
- We only need 7 more volunteers
- Existing mustaches will be accepted, with photographic evidence
- Beards need not apply
- All volunteers will receive placement on the MNB blog
In other news, we will be brewing tonight. Another batch of our new Belgian wit (what used to be the Weissguy). Depending on how I’m feeling, I may even try to pop in. If I do show up, I ask that no one hugs my stomach or duodenum, as this is where the ulcers are concentrated. However, it is perfectly acceptable to hug my mustache (ladies, take note). Hopefully we’ll see you tonight!
Mustaches for Ulcers (a health update)
I’ve been sick. No bones about it. Finally, after long last, the doctors have figured out what’s wrong. Ulcers in my stomach! Now that we know what the problem is, I’m doing all I can to get better and back to brewing. A large part of this effort has been spent investing in my new charity, Mustaches for Ulcers. Ulcers are serious business, and nothing is more serious than a mustache. Just ask Burt Reynolds. Presenting my new and improved lower face, now a furry charity machine:
I will soon be contacting the American Mustache Institute on behalf of Monday Night Brewery to pitch Mustaches for Ulcers. I will also be contacting Tel Aviv University, which in 1992 revealed a startling correlation between mustachoi’d men and peptic ulcers. Coincidence? No, it’s science.
I challenge anyone who is able to grow their own mustache in support of this worthy cause. Please contact me via email or the comments to learn how to participate. With the help of our collective upper lips, we may just be able to eradicate ulcers (and specifically stomach ulcers) once and for all.