Is it Monday now?

Let me paint a picture for you…

You had a nice little jog earlier in the morning, but since then you’ve been gorging yourself on Doritos and watching the marathon of Flipping Out on Bravo. Things have been pretty much awesome. But now you’re thirsty and a cold Monday Night would really hit the spot. Trouble is, you’re not sure what day it is. And you reeeaaallly need to it be Monday. Because Mondays are the best (and currently only) times to drink Monday Night beer. How do you figure out if it’s a Monday?

Now there’s an easy solution! Check out our latest website, IsItMondayNow.com. It will tell you when it is (and isn’t) a Monday, taking all the guessing out of your life.

Thanks to Ben for helping with the coding. Share with your friends and family! There is no longer a reason to not know if it’s a Monday or not! It even works on iPhones!

Competition heating up for “Chief of Fire-related Operations” position

Read that title one more time before you continue. Let that pun simmer. Okay, proceed.

We’ve had more than zero applications for our job posting for Chief of Fire-related Operations (CFO) and I must say, the applicants have been severely overqualified. Here’s one of our favorites. If you are also qualified (or over-qualified) for the position, please send us your resume via our Contact form.

Resume

Name: [REDACTED]

Job Sought: Fire Man. Not Fireman.

Experience:

• Lit first fire at age 5
• Grounded for lighting fires first at age 5, then 32 more times before turning 12
• Once attempted to light a solid-fuel rocket engine with a match… from own bedroom window
• Burned down at least 3 distinct building structures, not always with permission

Education:

• 9.75 years at the school of hard knocks
• 23 years as a student in other schools
• Repeated nursery school (velcro issue)

Interests:

• S’mores
• Lighter fluid
• Hardwood charcoal
• Peeing on fires

No brewing tonight

We’ll be too busy listening to Bryan Adams to brew tonight. If you don’t understand, GET OFF THE SHED.

So many emotions

Such a simultaneously sad and happy day in my Bryan Adams world.

Happy: I just bought the new Bryan Adams album for $5 at WalMart. I’m listening to it right now. Pure gold. “I need to breathe you in, over and over again, like oxygen.” Yeah. That just happened.

Sad: $5? Really? Bryan, you’re worth more than that. For serious.

No brewing tonight

In lieu of brewing, I leave you with a joke.

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer,” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.
“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”

And that, folks, is how it’s done.

“I swoop down like a vulture on a Michelob Ultra”

Warning: mild language in video. This is Joel “The Pink Mojito” Iverson’s anthem.

We’re ready to adopt!

Attention Atlanta. Do you have anything that looks similar to this crowding up your basement or garage?

If so, you may be in possession of what we call a “chest freezer.” Be warned, these are potentially lethal devices. Amateurs maintain that they are “cool,” but they are really ice queens. They also use electricity (which is an issue if you are Amish) and take up valuable space that could be used for a ping-pong table (which is an issue if you love ping-pong). Fortunately, you have options.

We are ready to adopt your working chest freezer at NO COST TO YOU! Don’t worry. While a chest freezer is a dangerous tool in a novice’s hands, our world-renowned expert on chest freezers, Joel, will be supervising all operations. If you are ready to take advantage of this generous offer, please let us know. Before your chest freezer kills you.