All of your carefully constructed plans have been foiled. Under cover of dark, you wanted to steal our beer names and slap them onto an inferior product. But before you had a chance to do so, we filed for trademarks.
The process was grueling and the online trademark application was less than user-friendly, but we pressed on, because we knew that dastardly scum like you existed. Yes, there were fees involved. But the slight trademark fees will pale in comparison to the legal fees we will exact from you if you try to use our beer names. Know this.
Drafty Kilt and Eye Patch Ale have been protected! We consider this event a victory not only for Monday Night Brewery, but for America. You have been thwarted. Slither back into your Den of Iniquity and start simmering a sinister stew for dinner. We know that utter defeat makes you hungry. You pompous toolbags.
Jonathan, Jeff and Joel