Mustaches for Ulcers is making headway. It’s my dream to have a sponsor for all 8 of my ulcers by next week. Here’s what we’ve got so far. First, apparently there are other “legitimate” charities doing something similar with mustaches. Prostate cancer is arguably more of a threat than ulcers. But still.
Here are the submissions we’ve received to-date:
1) Will’s mexistache
Will, I accept your mustache, even though it was grown awhile ago. It makes you look like a well-groomed Nazi, which kind of scares me. I’m not complaining though, an ulcer is an ulcer.
2) Anna and Lauren’s faux mustaches
These bad boys were phoned in from Memphis, TN. They’re mustaches of the exotic variety. Not because they’re from Memphis, but because they’re plastic. I’m counting them as worth one ulcer together, given their dubious background.
3) Ben’s pornstache
Now this is a good one. An existing mustache in good, working order. Ben has been sporting this thing for far too long, but he has graciously dedicated it to the cause. It makes me tingle just thinking about it.
4) Nicole’s future ‘stache
Nicole from the office has declared that no razor will touch her upper lip, in honor of one of my lucky ulcers. While her mustache hasn’t yet grown in fully, I’ve included a simulated time-lapse photograph of the glory-to-be.
5) Dave’s brewing mustache
Dave at Muckney Brewing tried to grow a mustache… until his wife made him stop. To compensate, he has dedicated a beer to the cause, for which we will be designing a joint label. Look for that in the future.
That’s it for now. As you can see, there are still plenty of ulcers that need loving sponsors. If you’d like to be involved, leave a comment or shoot me an email. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out. It’s for a good cause.