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Mustaches for Ulcers (a health update)


I’ve been sick. No bones about it. Finally, after long last, the doctors have figured out what’s wrong. Ulcers in my stomach! Now that we know what the problem is, I’m doing all I can to get better and back to brewing. A large part of this effort has been spent investing in my new charity, Mustaches for Ulcers. Ulcers are serious business, and nothing is more serious than a mustache. Just ask Burt Reynolds. Presenting my new and improved lower face, now a furry charity machine:


I will soon be contacting the American Mustache Institute on behalf of Monday Night Brewery to pitch Mustaches for Ulcers. I will also be contacting Tel Aviv University, which in 1992 revealed a startling correlation between mustachoi’d men and peptic ulcers. Coincidence? No, it’s science.

I challenge anyone who is able to grow their own mustache in support of this worthy cause. Please contact me via email or the comments to learn how to participate. With the help of our collective upper lips, we may just be able to eradicate ulcers (and specifically stomach ulcers) once and for all.

13 thoughts on “Mustaches for Ulcers (a health update)

  1. McSweeney’s and 826 Chi do a moustache thing like that every year, where they make it sort of like a walk-a-thon where people pledge money. You start out with a clean shaven face, and start growing. It is amusing, and apparently raises a lot of money.

    In short, I think it’s a great idea.

  2. Reminds me of another friend of mine’s fictitious charity, a croquet tournament called Wicketts for Ricketts, for a long-ago eradicated disease. Did you ever wonder why the Amish wear those mustache-less beards? Because the moustache is an ancient international symbol of a military man, and the Amish are pacifists.

  3. Kevin and Walter, I take this to mean that you’re joining the cause? Grow those mustaches out and we will beat these ulcers once and for all!

  4. Jonathan,

    When I’m clean-shaven, I look like a fine upstanding member of society. When I try to grow any facial hair whatsoever, I look like I should be on the TV show Cops. So I’m going to avoid this event!

  5. Brad, I understand your concern. However, I hope this will not prevent you from contacting your other mustache-growing friends and family (male or female) to rally support for his fine cause. You too can make a difference.

  6. I think I’m probably going to have to sit this one out also. My wife is not a fan of facial hair, and since, like most husbands, I am, for all intents and purposes, her slave, permission will probably not be given.

  7. Kevin, I’m going to throw this out there: What if you “forget your upper lip” for a couple weeks? Will she notice? Think of the good you could be doing.

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